Needle And Thread
by VTPM
Summary: (One-shot) Hidan and Kakuzu go on a mission to take out a group of ninja getting too close to the Akatsuki base. [Hinted KakuHida fluff]


Hidan glared angrily at the TV set in the lobby area of the Akatsuki base. He was supposed to go get his newest sacrifices for Lord Jashin, but Kakuzu had said Pein had told him of a mission they had to do first and was now making the priest wait on him.

"Lord Jashin's gonna be pissed at me for missing today's ritual if he doesn't hurry the hell up... I'll have to sacrifice two or three people now... And maybe even double my own wound count..." Hidan muttered to himself.

After a few more minutes, Kakuzu finally entered the room. "Alright, let's go..."

"About fucking time!" Hidan exclaimed, jumping up.

Kakuzu ignored his outburst and walked out the door to the base, leaving Hidan to run after him and yell curses.

Once they had gotten out on the road, Hidan finally asked, "What's this mission anyways?"

"Apparently a group of shinobi have been hanging a little too close to the base for Pein's comfort." The stitched man replied.

"Hmph... What a waste of time... Oh well, I guess they'll just have to serve as my sacrifices... Kill two birds with one stone, am I right?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "Or you could quit this cult nonsense..."

The priest gasped in mock surprise. "I am extremely offended you would even suggest such a thing! We both know damn well that's never happening. Lord Jashin is my salvation!"

"Even though you're immortal, I don't see why you would waste your time serving such a religion... I don't see why you find it so enjoyable..."

Hidan sniffed. "You just haven't seen the light of Jashin yet. But in due time you will meet Him and you'll finally believe and bow down to His almighty power."

"Right... Well I will let you know it isn't fun for me to always be sewing your self harm wounds closed. It's not healthy for you."

"Hey, I never asked you to fix me up, you started doing that on your own." Hidan reminded him.

Kakuzu remained silent to that.

Hidan snorted. "What's up with that anyways? I thought you hated my fucking guts."

"...Because it's disgusting to watch you bleed everywhere." Kakuzu said bluntly. "Make no mistake, I still do hate you and your poor life choices."

"Yeah, well, nothing personal, but I don't really approve of your life style either."

"What are you so against that I do?" Kakuzu asked curiously.

"You don't follow Jashin, duh."

"...I'm done talking to you now."

"Fine, I don't like talkin' to you anyways, bastard." Hidan huffed, crossing his arms.

Finally they came to a clearing in the forest where a group of approximately 20 or so ninja were setting up camp, not very far from the Akatsuki base at all.

"Well, let's get this stupid mission done!" Hidan said much too loudly before charging into the clearing with his scythe.

"Hidan, you idiot..!" Kakuzu hissed, running out after him.

With the way Hidan had yelled and charged carelessly into the clearing, the shinobi had plenty of time to prepare for the attack and one of them quickly performed a shadow clone jutsu, making many copies of himself.

Hidan still paid no mind to it and started slashing at the closest enemies, dispersing many of the clones. Kakuzu joined him shortly, still cursing the younger man silently for his reckless behavior.

Hidan laughed less-than-sanely as he swung his three bladed scythe and it made contact with actual flesh. Smirking, he retreated backwards a bit and slashed his hand with a kunai, letting the blood pour onto the ground before smearing it with his foot until the symbol of Jashin was drawn in blood on the ground.

Two of the shinobi ran at him, but he quickly licked the blood off his scythe, making his skin turn black and white. Grinning even wider, he pulled his large needle from his cloak before stabbing his own chest with it. One of the shinobi charging at him dropped to the ground with a scream of agony, though the other continued his path toward Hidan.

The priest heaved his scythe up and slashed at the ninja, only for him to burst into a cloud of smoke.

"Damnit, another clone... You guys are such little bitches!" Hidan snarled, walking out of the circle with murder in his eyes.

That's when an explosion and a scream caught his attention, and he noticed Kakuzu had somehow gotten himself in trouble. While he was fighting one of the shinobi, a clone had managed to place an explosive tag on his back, breaking two of the masks there.

Hidan snorted. 'Looks like he can't even handle these low level ninja... What a pathetic bastard... Guess I should help him, eh?'

Rolling his eyes in exasperation, Hidan ran over to where his partner was keeping the remaining clones at bay with his fire attacks. Hidan charged right into the inferno heedlessly, slashing all the clones until every last one that managed to dodge the flames was destroyed.

Kakuzu looked over at him in surprise. "I could have handled that..."

"Heh, yeah right. You'd be fucked without me, you damned pussy." Hidan said, sneering at him with his scythe slung over his shoulder.

"...Behind you..." Kakuzu muttered, clearly more interested in the ninja running at Hidan than the priest himself.

Hidan growled in irritation and turned on the ninja, swinging the scythe at him, though he dodged under the blades and slashed Hidan's stomach with a kunai. Hidan clenched his teeth and knocked the shinobi away with his fist, then swung his weapon down and stabbed him through his chest, blood splattering out of the wounds.

Kakuzu had taken over the last of the fight, killing the few remaining shinobi and taking their hearts to place in his own chest.

Hidan twitched furiously. "Hey, you greedy bastard! I save your sorry ass and then you take the last kills?! Their lives were supposed to be given to Jashin, you asshole!"

"Well I needed their still-beating hearts... You can go find your own sacrifices somewhere else..." Kakuzu replied.

Hidan just kept cursing under his breath and returned to his ritual circle. "I apologize Lord Jashin... I didn't do well enough and lost Your sacrifices... I humbly offer my own blood in the place of their lives..." He said quietly, pulling the needle out of his chest before stabbing himself with it again, then took a kunai to his wrists and finally used it to slit his throat.

His pitch black skin faded back to his usual tan and he collapsed on the ground, recovering from the transformation and wounds.

Kakuzu sighed in exasperation, walking over to him and yanking the needle out of Hidan's chest. He then crouched down next to him and worked on sewing the severe wounds shut, starting with the Jashinist's throat. "You're an idiot..."

Hidan coughed up blood and grinned at him. "Y-Yeah, whatever... Worth it for Lord Jashin..."

Kakuzu snorted, turning to work on another injury. "You shouldn't be so careless... You'll find some way to kill yourself at this rate..."

"Nah... Lord Jashin will watch out for me... Besides, why do you even give a fuck..?"

"Pein would be angry if I just left you in pieces somewhere... Besides, no matter how much I hate you or your stupid ways, you're still my teammate and help me get my bounties..."

Hidan stared at him for a minute before grinning and giggling crazily. "Face it Kakuzu, you're as easy to read as a book! You don't hate me nearly as much as you say, do ya? Hehehe, you like me, don't ya, you little fuck?"

Kakuzu rolled his eyes. "As if... You're pathetic and mentally unstable..."

Hidan sat up and kept grinning at him. "You're a terrible liar. Yeah, I know you think the complete opposite of me about Jashinism, but you don't hate my guts like you say, huh?" He asked, though kept that over confident look on his face. "But, ya know, don't get the wrong idea! I still completely hate you. Lord Jashin is the only one I could care for."

Kakuzu gave him a blank look before standing up and walking away.

Hidan blinked in surprise before yelling, "Hey! Don't you fucking walk away from me! I'm talking to you, you asshole!" He yelled, standing up shakily.

Kakuzu just kept his back to the priest and silently walked back to the Akatsuki base.

"DON'T FUCKING IGNORE ME, YOU FUCKING BASTARD!" Hidan screamed, running after the stitched-up man.

Kakuzu smiled faintly under his mask. The Jashinist was a pain in the ass, but he was the only one who didn't have that much of a problem with his love and pursuit of money, and even helped him take down ninja with high bounties he would have struggled with on his own before and was even able to make a joke out of it most of the time.

'But he doesn't need to know that... And there's no way in hell he'll be able to figure it out on his own...' He thought, glancing back at the pissed off and bloody Hidan who was stomping along with a childish pout on his face.

'What a moron...'


End file.
